i have my very first ever a level tomorrow, and it is fair to say i am absolutely SHITTING myself. (are you allowed to say that on this website?)
yeah so, scared. a lot.
everyone's expecting me to get a*s, because that's what i do. hell, even i am. and as far as i know they don't have a*s at as level! but i've only ever had one a!
apparently everyone who takes this exam does really badly, even some of the cleverest people i know have had e's, which scares me shitless. i'd cry. honestly.
i NEED an a for university, but i really don't think i'm going to get one. to make it worse i have absolutely NO IDEA what to do with my life if i can't do medicine.
there's so much pressure! if i tell people how scared i am they say, "don't worry you'll be find you always are." and they genuinly believe it, which makes things worse because they EXPECT me to do well.. which means i'm going to let them down. i can't deal with that.
and my procrastination levels PEEK whenever i have to revise. just these last two weeks my mind has decicded it must:
1. watch all vlogbrothers, charlie mcdonnell and alex day videos.
2. read, a lot more than normal.
3. be plagued with ideas for stories, song lyrics and photos.
and loads of other's i really don't have time to write.
i have to keep writing this blog, which i love doing honest, but it takes time. and i feel like if i don't i'll never get people to read it. i'm just talking to myself here.
AND my mother has booked my driving theory test for four days after my last exam, so i have precisely FOUR. DAYS. to learn everything.
p.s. i think i might just accidentally have followed myself. being new sucks.